There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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