I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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