i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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