even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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