Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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