Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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