Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
