i just wanna soil my oats bro
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
