i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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