I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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