She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My ass is underappreciated
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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