dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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