i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize