Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
