you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
