dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
