i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
