i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
