just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everyone says I win the strip club
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
