i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
