didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
even my farts smell like vagina
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
