Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
