Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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