no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
