well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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