My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
