I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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