I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
