White coat. Heels.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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