what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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