her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
