So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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