get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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