On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
