She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
