Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
