I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
