Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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