Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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