so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
