so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
