He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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