It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
