evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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