I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need to calm my uterus...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
