i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
