whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
nutella sex= disaster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
