don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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