She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
