he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
