So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
