You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
