We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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