OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I want a musical about memes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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