I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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