Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
