The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
