Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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