just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
