The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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