your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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