i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
