I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
