I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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