Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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