the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we're so committed to being not committed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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