So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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