I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
