Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
