dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
