the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
