hell yes lets make some ravioli
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
