Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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