Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
