hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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