If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
