Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
