she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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